Bullying Prevention

I imagine that all of us, at some point in our childhood witnessed bullying, were bullied or bullied others. 

I vividly remember when Tracey dumped her carton of milk over my friend Wendy’s head in middle school. I’m not exactly sure what my response was – but I know I said something. When Wendy went to get cleaned up, I went outside. Tracey was new to school. She was twice my size (and I wasn’t small) and was sporting huge gold hoops and very typical early 90’s hairsprayed hair. Her friends asked me when I wanted to fight (apparently, now wasn’t a very good time).

I replied, “I’m pretty busy.” I couldn’t meet Tracey at the payphone (aging myself) after school because I had band (you can imagine how popular bass clarinet players were). And I couldn’t “schedule” a fight for later because I had dance. Alas, I was too booked to fight. This kicked off a month’s worth of random taunting. 

I recall turning a corner at school to a girl who said, “Bow, or I’ll punch you.” My retort was a four-letter expletive followed by “off” and despite my best attempt, it didn’t scare them away. I had nastiness written on my gym locker and had girls yelling at me from across the street as I walked from school to my mom’s office. One day, a girl a year older than us, who hung with a similar crowd, stepped in. I’m not sure what she said, but they never bothered me after that.

The experience doesn’t haunt me. I didn’t cry myself to sleep or fear for my safety, but I definitely was uncomfortable. It all started because I stood up for a friend and it all ended because someone stood up for me.

Bullying 101

My experience wasn’t unique then and unfortunately is all too common now. According to the 2019 Youth Risk Behavior Survey, nearly 9% of high school students didn’t go to school because they felt unsafe. This number has been steadily increasing over the past two decades. Close to one in five students had experienced bullying at school and 15% reported being the victims of cyberbullying.

Bullying, though sometimes hard to distinguish from other unkind acts, meets three basic criteria:

1. There is a power differential or imbalance between the aggressor and victim. This could be perceived and is not necessarily tied to size or strength.
2. It’s unwanted behavior intended to cause harm (physically, emotionally, or socially).
3. It is repetitive in nature (not just a one time event or occurrence).

Did you know…

Did you know that bullying stops within 10 seconds (57% of the time) when a peer steps in to intervene? October is National Bullying Prevention and Awareness Month, and I believe this one fact has the potential to make the biggest difference in the health and happiness of our students.

So how can we empower bystanders to take action?

Many bullying prevention programs implore students to intervene on behalf of bullied peers but unfortunately, don’t teach them how to. It’s essential that students learn what to do when they witness bullying and that we’re honest about potential consequences. Remember that my own experience intervening made me the target – this is something we need to anticipate. It’s also something we need to teach students to avoid.

Videos, like this one from the CDC, encourage students to step up to the aggressor but it’s hard to find a video that shows safer alternatives. When I talk to my students about bullying, we talk about that power differential. If they have a higher social standing than the aggressor, they may be able to directly intervene by telling the bully to “stop” or “knock it off” or “don’t be a jerk.” But if they are on equal ground or have lower social standing, these actions can put themselves at risk.

The ACT Model

In these instances, I suggest using the ACT model.

1. Acknowledge what’s happening. Too often we notice something happening but don’t do anything. This is known as the Bystander Effect. When you see something happening – do something.
2. Care for the person. If bullying is happening happening in the hallway or a locker room, say something like, “Mrs. Jones is looking for you.” or “Come on, we’re going to be late to science.” This gives the person an out without making yourself a target.
3. Tell someone what you saw. Talk to the person about what happened. “That was so mean.” “They have no right to talk to you that way.” “You don’t deserve that.” “Do you want to talk to someone about what happened?” “Have you told anyone?” “Do you want me to go to the counseling office with you?”

These strategies help students to intervene without putting themselves at risk. You could also try the “Stop/Walk/Talk” model recommended by Stopbullying.gov. Another suggestion is to get an adult. “Mr. Smith can I talk to you in the hallway?” Sometimes just getting an adult near the incident will make it stop…it’s the power of proximity.

Speaking of adults…our role in intervening can be really tricky. I’m sure you’ve all had experiences when a bully is reprimanded or punished and as a result just gets better at hiding their bullying behavior. Rather than pushing the behavior to hidden corners and online spaces, we can be thoughtful about how we intervene.

Calling out the behavior in public can result in worse behavior. This may be why peer intervention is so much more effective. Some schools are moving away from traditional disciplinary actions like suspension to restorative practices. 

National Bullying Prevention and Awareness Month

National Bullying Prevention and Awareness Month gives us a good excuse to get proactive. Here’s some ideas for raising awareness and encouraging upstanding behavior.

• Create an impactful student video. I’m currently working with students on recreating this powerful video which is part of the UKs Anti-Bullying Programme.

• Consider celebrating Unity Day by encouraging staff and students to wear orange to promote kindness, inclusion and acceptance and to stand against bullying.
• Host a “Walk as One” event. Show students Under the Surface. Then ask students to anonymously finish the sentence, “If you knew my story, you would know that…” On Unity Day, have students walk a mile together. Chalk the walk with their responses & messages of hope prior to the walk.

• Try a Poster Contest. Have students create an eye-catching persuasive poster that includes information about how to prevent, report or stop bullying. Display winning posters throughout the school.
• Teach students how to respond. Choose a model of how you’d like students to respond to bullying and let them practice actually doing it. Sweethearts & Heroes recommends Bully Drills to allow students to practice so their responses become as understood and automatic as Stop, Drop & Roll.
• Teach lessons like this one from PBS that uses a crumpled piece of paper to help students understand the damage bullying can cause, or show a video like this one to help students understand the value of telling someone if they are experiencing bullying.
• Help students get connected with at least one trusted adult. As a staff try this relationship mapping activity from Harvard’s Making Caring Common Project to ensure that all students have at least one staff member to connect with.

I don’t think we’ve found a surefire way to stop bullying in its tracks, but I know ignoring the problem or using old, outdated tactics will only make it worse. As we become more and more aware of the importance of mental health, we must also take measures to make our students feel safe in our schools, and that begins with us being proactive about bullying prevention.